I love my dentist

No, I really don't. He remodeled his office this year, and I'm certain that my dental work made a significant contribution to the fund.

The enamel of my teeth is as hard as...Play-Doh. Seriously, I am the queen of tooth decay.

My check-ups go something like this. "Wow, your gums look super. Almost no tartar. I can see that you've done a great job brushing and flossing. Honestly, I can't make one suggestion because your mouth just looks great. Oh, and by the way, you need another crown."

This will be my third crown this year. I have, ummmm, 4 or 5 others, too. At $1000.00 to $1,200.00 each, that adds up rather quickly. And, seriously, there are sooooo many things that I'd rather spend my money on. Even grocery shopping and gas are more fun to pay for.

Mike (my dentist) and I spent many hours together. I wouldn't exactly call it quality time, but I've certainly got the routine down, and the unpleasantness at least moves along at a decent pace. Two visits for a crown, in case any of you haven't had the pleasure yet. I might be the only woman in the world who is in her mid-30s and already seeing a prosthodontist.

I've only needed one root canal, fortunately. Yep, they crown 'em without a root canal if you don't need one. Of course, that leaves open the possibility that you will eventually need a root canal on that tooth, but apparently they can drill through the crown if that happens. Gee, I'd love to have an endodontist drill through my thousand dollar crown. Please don't crack it, OK?

I have a Water Pik. I use special Biotene toothpaste. They use a super duper special orange-colored fluoride varnish on my teeth when I get them cleaned. Plus brushing and flossing and chewing sugarless gum. I can't imagine what my dental bills would be like if I wasn't doing all that.

So, eat some chewy candy for me, 'cause caramels and Tootsie Rolls are forbidden in this house.